(Expecting) Failure Is Not an Option

7:51 PM

Lots of people say that the internet is not a personal place. It's not a place you should treat like your personal journal. And I agree, to a certain point. I don't share personal garbage on Facebook because I don't believe in telling people about my problems.

Buuut, heart-to-hearts are good for the soul and once in a while I need to express myself with words by writing them because I say everything better that way. And because I feel like maybe...maybe they could help someone else too.

I was thinking a few nights ago, somewhere between contemplating The Revised Life of Ellie Sweet and my future college life, about how I unknowingly set myself up for failure sometimes. I honestly discovered something about myself that I didn't realize before.

And I wanted to share it with you. Don't run away scared now *grins* I promise, you can handle Selena in serious mode (hopefully).

I've never thought of myself as a person who sets herself up for failure. I thought I worked the hardest I could at everything I tried, not failing because I didn't put the effort out but failing because I legitimately was not good at it.

Wrong.

I was setting myself up for failure.

First of all, I do this around people. I never let people I don't know see the real me or start conversations (in real life) or make a joke because I'm afraid of rejection. I'm afraid of getting hurt and so I build walls. And it kind of just opened my eyes that night, that because I anticipate rejection and being laughed at I'm not as likely to have friends.

Secondly, writing. You may or may not have gathered by reading around on this blog that I do write but not very often. Like, not very often at all. Light bulb moment. It's because I think I can't write a book. Therefore, I can't write a book. A book is not being written. I see masterpieces in my head but when I type out the words on my keyboard I'm afraid it will be a distorted, sucky version of what I pictured so I don't type anything at all.

Expecting failure in these things is preventing me from doing them. My insecurities are the only things stopping me from writing a book.

Belief is a powerful thing. And if I or you or anybody else believes that they cannot do something, they will never do it. Even if they could possibly be great at it. 

Do it. Push past. Make yourself proud.

Believe that you can. 

A SMALL NOTE: IN LINE WITH THIS POST'S DIRECTION, I HAVE STARTED TO WORK ON ONE OF MY WIPs AGAIN. I'M TRYING TO WRITE A LITTLE EACH DAY JUST TO GET INTO THE FLOW OF WRITING (AFTER A HUGE BREAK). PURSUE YOUR DREAMS, BECAUSE IF YOU BELIEVE...IT CAN HAPPEN.

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6 comments

  1. That sounds like me! I just started writing again for my writers workshop thing and I think that helps keep me writing, but it is really hard to share it with the group and I always think that what I've written is really awful. Even when the other members don't have that many pieces of advice or edits I assume that it must be because they didn't want to hurt my feelings or something other than maybe they just didn't have anything else they'd change, and that it might actually be ok. I want to hear more about your WIP! I'm excited you're writing again! We should read each other's work some time! (It's ok if you don't want to share. Sharing can be...ehh...)

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    1. I know! That's my situation exactly...my writing confidence is really low. I'm SO glad that I have a sister who not only a hugely talented writer but makes me believe in myself (mostly by threatening to punch me if I don't ;)) It's great that you found a way to keep yourself writing and while I haven't joined anything like that it helps for me to just write every day (not necessarily for my WIP either). You shall hear more about my WIP! XD I might do a post sometime or we can just chat about it. Sharing can be ehh but I'd love to trade work sometime. :) Maybe after I've written a little more in my WIP.

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  2. I totally get this. Me too, for a lot of cases. I'm usually too shy to pop my jokes out in public...but if I know the people very well, hehe, I remember how to speak. ;) I used to struggle with writing too, because I was always upset that the "glorious" thing in my head could NOT come out on page perfectly. It's definitely a process. Practise. It's honestly the only way, I think, to write how you WANT to write. x)

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    1. Hehe, I should probably edit that part of the post. I joke a lot with people I'm close to...but yeah, like you, not in public. :P

      Yeah, I've come to realize that....nothing works better than practice. Even though it makes me so impatient. ;)

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